• blake beyer

Been meaning to...

When I was in college, I kept a journal to help think through and make sense of what I was going through, growing in to an adult while contending with engineering school and the social pressures of a fraternity. The journal helped to contextualize my thoughts and emotions at a trying time when I was learning how to fit who I was. I'm sure the writing now would seem pretty childish, but it was instrumental in thinking through those existential crises of adolescence moving in to full blown adulthood. As I resolved myself and outgrew college, life took on more responsibility. After spinning my wheels furiously, the tires hooked up and I was off, forced to focus on driving and not the direction I wanted to go. Frankly the need for the journal had passed, so I gradually put it down and moved on.

Life sped up. And kept speeding up. As with any form of task saturation you tend to evaluate necessity and trim what can be deemed non essential. It's hard to keep up with three kids, two businesses, a house, friends, and still find time to discern any meaning from it all. So, I'm trying to find time to start collecting my passing thoughts and force a pause to spend some time dwelling. It's not so much a need this time as a want. I need to stop being focused on checking off lists and more on why I'm making the lists to begin with. It satisfies a part of me that needs progress, but it's not meaningful progress.

I'm not sure what format this will take, and if it's just going to be a meandering through my brain on the mundane things that trigger a thought. Maybe I'll use it to get thoughts on my book out on 'paper' to walk around them. Maybe I'll dust off and post some of the old poetry I wrote in college to revisit. Or, maybe this will die on the vine, another attempt at meaning that gets steamrolled by competing priorities for time. I guess we'll see.

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